Pairing: JuC
Beta: Courtesy of Missy...thank you!!
Companion piece to: That Thing You Do
Second Thoughts
It was late, or he thought, early, depending on how you looked at it.
Either way, four a.m. wasn’t normally a time he found himself wide-awake, and
alone. He’d stopped checking to see how many new voicemails he had hours ago.
Though he imagined that they must number high in the double digits by now.
Still, the one person he’d wanted – needed – hadn’t called.
The hotel had strict instructions not to let any calls through to his room, with
one exception and the phone hadn’t rung in more hours than he cared to count.
It had been over seven hours since he and Janet had stepped from the stage.
Seven hours of questions and condemnations. Seven hours of defending his honor
and his reputation. Seven hours of not hearing the voice of the one person he
loved the most.
He’d heard from the others; Chris had called, cackling, barely five minutes
after he’d exited the field. In his own Chris-way he’d made Justin feel better,
at least while he’d been on the phone. As soon as they’d hung up, and Chris’
voice had faded, doubts and recriminations had crept back into his head. Had he
pulled too hard? grabbed the wrong place? not been paying close enough attention
to what he was doing? because let’s face it, as much as he loved JC, he’d had a
crush on Janet for a good portion of his life.
Justin could almost hear Chris call him a dumb ass; still he went through the
entire thing again, because he needed to be sure.
They’d been below the stage, waiting for Janet’s first set, when she’d come over
to him and told him about her idea. She and her choreographer had planned the
move long before, but had kept it to themselves because they’d wanted the
element of surprise. He could see where it would fit in perfectly with where
they’d planned to end the song; it would be shocking, without being over the
top; and when it was done, he’d be wearing a big cheesy grin and Janet would be
wearing a red lace inset.
Except that the inset had come off, and now Justin found himself not only
second-guessing himself, but also someone he’d always considered a friend. Had
she done it on purpose? It had come off so easily in his hand, and he could
still vividly feel the shock that had run through his body when he’d looked down
and seen her exposed breast. He hadn’t thought to look at Janet to see her
reaction; he’d been too busy dealing with his own, yet now he wished he had.
Still, she’d been upset when the lights had gone down, so much so that he’d
taken his jacket and used it to cover her. He didn’t think she was that good of
an actor, but maybe she’d been feeding off of his emotions, he really couldn’t
be sure. Or maybe it was simply that Chris had called, Joey and Lance had found
their way into the locker room and then missed the end of the game to come back
to the hotel with him, but JC – JC hadn’t called or answered his phone.
Fuck.
Weary, Justin laid his head back against the chair. It wasn’t like JC to do
something like this. Even when he was extremely angry, he didn’t use these kinds
of tactics. He was quiet, sure, but he was a meet-things-head-on kind of person,
too. If he was pissed at you, you knew it; and when he was disappointed in you -
Justin rubbed his fluttering stomach - you knew that, too.
That was what concerned Justin the most, not JC’s anger, but his disappointment.
They’d talked so many times about retaining control of, not just their careers,
but of what they allowed people to do with them, and tonight he’d completely
relinquished that control. He’d trusted – where he shouldn’t have, maybe, he
didn’t know – when he should have followed his gut and said what he’d been
thinking, ‘no, let’s just go with what we rehearsed.’ He hadn’t, and now he had
to live with that, and the ache in his gut that he’d convinced himself was his
keen awareness of JC’s disappointment in him.
There was a quiet knock at the door and then Dre’s quiet voice. “J, are you
still awake?”
He almost didn’t answer, knowing that if he stayed quiet, Dre would leave him
alone, but he rose and made his way to the door because he was tired of
thinking, and of being alone.
“Yeah, I’m up,” he replied as he opened the door and then he just stopped,
because the sight of the man standing on the opposite side of the door made him
want to absurdly drop to the floor and cry like he hadn’t since he was six and
he’d broken his arm.
“JC.”
All it took was one glance at Justin’s face for JC to know what had been going
through his head.
“I thought you could maybe use a hug.”
“JC.” Justin flung his full weight against the other man the minute the door
closed behind him, throwing them both back against it with a solid thud.
“I would have called, except that in the rush to get out of my hotel room and to
the plane, I forgot my cell.” JC ran his hands soothingly over Justin’s back as
he talked. “I kind of forgot Lonnie, too, which I am sure he’s going to kill me
for once Dre calls and wakes him up to tell him that I’m here, but hey, it’s
been a good life right, so-”
“I thought,” Justin choked out.
“Don’t be stupid.”
“You didn’t call and I-”
“Let your overactive imagination get the better of you.”
Justin pushed away and returned JC’s scowl. “You didn’t call.”
“Because as soon as the screen went dark, J, all I could think about was getting
to you. I saw your face, baby. I know you. All I could think about was that I
needed to be here with you. It wasn’t until I was on the plane that I realized I
had left everything back at the hotel.”
“I fucked up.”
JC inclined his head in agreement; “Yeah, but people make mistakes all the time,
J.”
Justin looked down at his hand, almost as if he expected the scraps of material
from Janet’s costume to still be there.
“The lace wasn’t supposed to come off.”
He looked up at JC then, bewildered and hurt, looking so much like the little
boy that JC had once known, that JC stepped forward and wrapped him back in his
arms. It seemed to him, as Justin melted against him, that he’d spent half his
life fighting, and giving in to the urge to protect this man/child.
“Tomorrow, you’ll give a statement and apologize. That’s all you can do, baby.
It won’t be enough, and they won’t leave you alone, but you’ll know that you
stood up and took responsibility, and then you can carry on.”
“Janet hasn’t said anything. Not a word.”
JC nodded; he was acutely aware of that, just as he was aware that there was
nothing he could do to make her, though in the morning, after he’d made sure
that Justin had gotten some sleep, he was planning on talking to Lance to see if
he couldn’t make a few calls and apply a little pressure.
“Put it down to another lesson learned, J, and let it be done.”
Justin sighed; he was so unbearably tired, “I wish that we could go away
somewhere.”
“Hiding isn’t the answer.”
“I don’t want to hide, I just want some time with you.”
“Then come with me on my promo tour. I’ll kick everyone else off the bus, it’ll
just be me and you.”
“Carlos won’t-”
“Fuck Carlos.”
“I’d rather you didn’t.”
JC eased back with a smile, “I’ll keep that in mind.”
They kissed briefly before Justin ordered, “You’d better.”
“You’re such a bossy bitch when you’re tired,” JC observed as he began to
shuffle forward, his arms still around Justin’s waist, in the direction of the
bed.
When the back of Justin’s legs hit the mattress, JC reached up and began to
unbutton his shirt.
“Are you trying to have your way with me, Mr. Chasez?” Justin wiggled his
eyebrows suggestively, and then ruined the whole thing by yawning hugely.
“I’ll be all over having my way with you in the morning, right now I’m just
about getting you some sleep. You’re shot.”
Justin traced a finger over JC’s face, “I couldn’t sleep. I thought-”
“Haven’t we already had the conversation about you being stupid?” JC asked, as
he tossed Justin’s shirt on the floor and went to work on his pants.
JC’s hands stilled when Justin took his face between his palms.
“I love you, JC.”
They rarely said the words; both knew how the other felt about him, yet there
were times when he knew that Justin needed to hear them more than he ever would.
“I love you, Justin, no matter who, no matter what.”
Justin again fought the urge to curl up like a baby and bawl.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t, J. You have nothing to apologize to me for.”
“You had to fly all the way out here.”
“Don’t worry,” JC nudged Justin until he sat, and then knelt to deal with his
shoes, “I’ll make sure to have them send that bill to you.”
Justin snorted; JC was such a cheap bastard.
“Climb in,” JC ordered, when he’d gotten Justin down to his boxers. He waited
patiently as Justin drew his long legs up and under the covers, and then he bent
and softly kissed Justin’s brow. “Go to sleep.”
Justin grabbed his wrist before he could move away. “Wait, where are you going?”
He felt like he was two again, afraid of the dark and his mom was about to leave
him alone.
JC gestured to the bathroom, “I just want to clean up a little.”
“Okay.”
JC bent and kissed him again, this time lingering over Justin’s full lips until
he felt Justin relax into the mattress.
Justin sighed softly when JC stood, but he was already half asleep and didn’t
protest when JC moved away.
JC made his way around the room, turning down lights, and picking up Justin’s
clothes along the way. He paused next to the bed and stood awhile, watching
Justin’s chest rise and fall in sleep, not resisting when the urge came over him
to reach out and run a hand over Justin’s sheared hair.
He missed the curls sometimes, the way they’d tangle around his fingers, just as
he sometimes missed the uncomplicated relationship he and Justin had shared in
the early days of their relationship.
Justin had been high maintenance then, too, but somehow it had seemed less
difficult to get him out of his messes than it did now. He wondered if there’d
ever come a time when he’d stop feeling the need to jump in and save Justin –
even when he didn’t really need it – and hoped not. Truth be told, he never felt
more alive than he did when Justin needed him.
Justin mumbled something in his sleep and JC knelt beside him, “Shh, baby, it’s
okay. I’m right here.”
He waited, stroking his hair, until Justin had settled again, before moving into
the bathroom and the shower. The hot water sluiced away the grimy feeling that
he’d carried with him, and he felt somewhat more human when he turned the water
off and reached out for his towel.
Somehow though, he wasn’t surprised to have it handed to him instead of finding
it sitting on the commode where he left it.
“I couldn’t sleep without you there,” Justin confessed.
“You sleep without me all the time, J.”
“I don’t want to anymore.”
“Come with me and you won’t have to.”
Justin shuffled his bare toes against the marble floor. “They’ll be talk.”
“We’ve had this conversation before, Justin.”
“I’m not sure I can deal with anymore talk right now.”
JC sighed; he was ready, Justin wasn’t, that wasn’t anyone’s fault, it just was.
“Then we’ll tell them that you’re my best friend and you wanted to tag along.
We’ve all done it at one time or another, J, no one will think anything of it.”
“I wish-”
“Stop wishing Justin and live your life.” JC looked towards the window in the
other room where the sun was beginning to glow around the edges. “It’s a new
day, and we can write onto it anything we want.” JC stepped forward and took
Justin’s hand, leading him back to the bed. “I’m here and we’re together,” they
crawled under the covers, JC wrapping his arms around Justin’s middle, “let that
be enough for now.”
Justin nodded; still he couldn’t help but wish as he snuggled into JC’s warmth
that JC’s for now, would stay, his, Justin’s, forever.